You dangle just enough of a carrot to keep the other person interested, allowing you to keep your options open, while leaving the other person in a permanent state of limbo.
via GIPHY As Jason Chen, author of the New York Magazine article says, “It’s despicable, manipulative, selfish behaviour — and something we’re all doing.” It’s also much more insidious than simply Ghosting. Although rude and immature, Ghosting provides the opportunity for closure.
On the eve of his departure to move to another country, he texted me, “I wish we’d had a chance to go out before I moved away.” I wanted to scream with frustration, “but you had a million chances!
” At the time, I thought that Marc’s Houdini-like approach to dating was just a symptom of commitment issues and poor social skills, but now there’s a word for his behaviour: Benching.
In the mid 2000's I met 'Marc' at a party hosted by a mutual friend.
He was cute and had an impish grin that I found ridiculously charming.
When someone disappears from your romantic life you have no other choice than to accept it and move on.
” but the plans never materialized, or were cancelled hours beforehand.
We hit it off and by the end of the night had exchanged numbers and e-mails, with the promise to get together soon.During the time that we were in touch, the consensus was “We should totally hang out sometime!” text, which would kickstart the cycle all over again.Eventually I came to terms with the fact that nothing would ever happen with Marc and I started to view his texts as more of a nuisance than anything else.
As a recent article in New York Magazine pointed out, “Benching is the new Ghosting”— the latest trendy term to be added to the modern dating lexicon.
However, unlike Ghosting — where a love interest simply disappears into thin air like a ghost — Benching means you keep the other person on your roster just in case you want to bring them into play later on.