And it’s not because I’m a writer or have a background as a therapist. Mostly, I like men…when they aren’t engaging in the aforementioned behaviors. While I love to be asked out for an actual date, know that I’m raising an eyebrow when you don’t even attempt to get to know me in the meantime.
So I guess I offer this inner dialogue up for public consumption because I think the dating world is much harsher than it needs to be, and I don’t feel like men understand why women are perhaps less than receptive to their advances. When the date is confirmed and then you aren’t in contact until then, I’m questioning your motives, and I’m wondering if I’m actually going to get stood up.
So, in the interest of mutual understanding, here are a few things that many of us women are looking for in a partner: 1. Just be upfront about who you are and what you’re looking for. It helps if you actually want to know more about us than what we look like naked.
It seems that most men think honesty is actually taboo when most women are truly ready for it. What’s funny is that I’m not even bitter about relationships or even about men. When I go out on a date, I’m interested in knowing more about the person I’m seeing. It’s great to check in every day and ask how we’re doing. Sure, there’s attraction, but I love to hear the stories, to find out what makes this guy tick. But if that’s the only conversation we have, we’re not going to stay interested. Open up some topics for conversation and actually participate beyond small talk. And we notice when you’re not actually listening and just trying to make, you know, appropriate listening noises. Are you just looking for sex and not an actual relationship? Do you really just want a FWB (friends with benefits) arrangement? We’re definitely not at all impressed with a dating culture eaten up by dishonesty. Go ahead and fly whatever freak flag you’re hiding because we’re going to figure it out sooner or later, and if it’s later, we might be a bit p*ssed that you hid it—particularly if been honest at each juncture.
That this generation of men just don’t measure up to a previous standard. Even as mothers, we’re used to managing the multitude of responsibilities that come our way, often single-handedly. Show that you put some effort into the evening as well. I will never, ever understand why men I don’t know actually expect me to volunteer if I’m going to sleep with them or not. I’m not going to perpetuate that particular double standard. It’s great to be called attractive, but I can’t recall when I was last so insulted at an attempt at a compliment! Say whatever it is you’re feeling, which I know is counter-intuitive to how men are socialized and to a dishonest dating culture. Speaking from the receiving end of that treatment, it is beyond painful. Maybe you’re the nice guy (and I don’t mean that as the insult people often take it for these days) that makes us glad we stayed in the dating game. Because in the end, we can all do with a little more honesty out there and just a little more consideration for each other.
And forgive us if we don’t enjoy an evening of mansplaining politics and religion all night or hearing you complain about your awful ex (absolving yourself from all responsibility for the breakdown in the relationship).