Jay: My girlfriend Jill found your speed dating card.. God, I've been looking for that speed dating card; thank you so much for bringing it to me. Jill: You are never gonna meet anyone with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch! Jill: You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. Andy: Yeah, I remember that girl, she was a ho, for show. I tried to introduce him to a few nice people, he made a fool of himself, I don't mess with him baby. Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombone, and dirty sanchez. Jill: So you actually wrote that one girl looked like she was "hurtin' for a squirtin'"? Andy: Who the--Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? So why don't you back the shit off, all right, and stop with the inquisition? Andy: You know what I don't have to answer to you, you ain't my bitch. Cal: Well, that may be the case, but none of this shit is sexy, okay? Cal: [Pointing to a framed poster] I mean, seriously, Asia? How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought this in? You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? Cal: And more video games than a teenage Asian kid. Cal: [Pointing to an action figure on a shelf] Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's Boss?
[Mooj has found out Andy is a virgin; extended DVD version] Mooj: Andy, don't let them bother you.
It's not about rainbow showers and camel-toe slide, and your Cincinnati bowtie, your Arabian goggles or the hot carl and pearl necklace, or pussy juice cocktails, and the jagged-head dildos, and the double-decker pussies. I, y'know, double pussies and-- Mooj: Shit stained balls, and cum swapping, and the hanging brain, it's not about the rattlesnake wiggle, and the alligator fuck house, donkey-punching, the tea-bagging-- Andy: Mooj, just please stop.