He said he thought the hand-job was a nice final memory for us. (Nor, arguably, is letting one’s parents this far into one’s personal life, but one dysfunction per post please.)So what is normal at five months? It also tries to change my question to “What’s normal to buy you’re (sic) girlfriend if she’s 13?” Which: a) seems appropriate for my current headspace, b) causes me to worry that the people asking this question are pedophiles, and c) makes me angry about grammar. “I’m not ready.”“You’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes,” my mother says.“Is sitting here such a problem?” I ask in my best Being-Home-for-Thanksgiving-brings-out-my-thirteen-year-old-self tone.“Well, no.” She pauses.” My dad yells from the living room.“You got engaged at two months,” I yell back.“So?” I hear my father flipping channels.“So I don’t trust your timetable! ”My first boyfriend and I had been dating two months when Christmas came along.” My mother asks.“I just don’t know how to have that conversation.”“How about ‘hey-”“Don’t say the name!
“It’s just that you keep making that keening sound.”“I just don’t think I can do it.”“Why the hell not?
” My father pours coffee.“If I buy it, it’ll mean I care.”“You do care.” My mother looks at me over her reading glasses.“Well, I don’t want you-know-who to know that! ” My mother sets down her i Phone, clearly resigned to the fact that Words with Friends will have to wait.“Yes.”“For how long now? ” My father leaves the room.“It is perfectly acceptable to buy the person you’re dating a Christmas present after five months,” my mother says.“It would be fucked up if you didn’t!