“They thought they would be married by now, or if they’re divorced, they never expected that to happen to them,” says 33-year-old Lori Smith, author of The Single Truth: Challenging the Misconceptions of Singleness with God’s Consuming Truth.
“They often feel less Christian because the church emphasizes family so much that singles are left with the impression that good Christians get married and have kids. Many are depressed about being single and don’t know how to change the way they feel.” At 32, Camerin Courtney, the managing editor of Today’s Christian Woman (a sister publication of this magazine), says she never expected to be dating at her age, let alone writing a singles column for Christianity
“Most non-Christian men respond to this by saying ‘check please!
’ I got tired of the dinner ritual and have sped up the process.
When she finds herself attracted to a non-Christian, they have to pass a test she calls “dropping the Jesus-bomb.” She used to let non-Christian guys take her to dinner and then halfway through the meal tell them that she was a Christian.
“They’d still seem hopeful until I bluntly told them what that means in their language: ‘I am not going to sleep with you,'” she says.
“Thus, the pain of the failed relationship and often being a single parent multiplies the stress in an older single’s world as well as making it difficult for the never-have-been-married singles to discern what their role is in developing relationships where they would be inheriting a family or dealing with baggage from their partner’s past.” A lot of older single Christians, who didn’t expect to be single at this point, admit to feeling lost.
Now I simply drop the Jesus-bomb right away.”She says dates were easier to come by in her early twenties, when most people that age are still single.
“But my twenties came and went and now most of my peers are married and having babies,” she explains. And the few I have seen, I have no interest in, not that they are asking me out in the first place.”Theresa is far from alone in her situation.
Being single today -especially a single Christian- isn’t easy.
A variety of issues assault today’s Christian singles, including pressure to marry from family, friends, and well-intentioned church members; a lack of dating options; and, of course, sexual temptation.Though she’s had a few long-term dating relationships, she says she still hasn’t found the right guy.