Dating a poly couple

In most (if not all) poly/mono relationships, the monogamous person has the option to have additional partners and chooses not to do so for a range of reasons.Often they just do not feel like it, some because they are monogamous by orientation and simply do not desire multiple partners, and others because of specific life circumstances.When it works Trust is key for the smooth function of any poly relationship, and building true consent from a base of shared trust and negotiation is quite important for a successful poly/mono relationship.Generally this builds with discussion, negotiation, honesty, and trustworthy behavior over a period of time.Much like a lesbian is still a lesbian even if she is not currently dating anyone, these folks are still poly even if they are not currently seeing others.Rather than a mono/poly relationship, it would be poly/seeking (or rebounding, or whatever).• Long-distance relationships: People who travel a lot or live far away from their primary partners sometimes successfully negotiate a mono/poly relationship.


The unifying factor is that the monogamous person knows about and consents to the poly person’s outside relationships but chooses not to have outside relationships of their own.This is not the same as a polyamorous couple in which both people are open to or have already had polyamorous relationships but currently appear to be monogamous because they are only dating or married to one person at the moment.In addition to the basis of mutual trust, a number of other conditions tend to foster mono/poly relationships • Matched emotionally but mismatched sexually: Sometimes people who deeply love each other and click on emotional, intellectual, creative, spiritual, and/or political levels make wonderful partners in many ways but do not click sexually.When a high-desire partner is paired with a low-desire lover, it can be a tremendous relief for both of them when the high-desire person has access to other lovers.

Similarly, when a kinky person and a “vanilla” person fall in love, a poly/mono relationship can allow the kinky person to have sex that involves pain or power exchange with others who also enjoy those practices.The arrangement also relieves the vanilla person from the burden of either having a kind of sex they do not like, or feeling like they are not meeting their partner’s needs.


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