“Are you a player or are you a genuinely sincere guy?”) If it sounds like I’m teasing you, Ashley, well, I am.Because, no matter how important such “tests” are (and they are), and how much women want them (a lot), they all pale in comparison to the one test that I can offer that’s close to foolproof. If your biggest concern is that everyone puts on his best face for a long time, then the ONLY thing you can do is sit back and observe him.Yes, this is a test that everybody knows about and it’s FAR more effective than “So, where do you see yourself in five years? And yet somehow, it’s not considered very popular in the female community. Literally ANYTHING else you try to do to “weed him out” is going to be obvious, tone-deaf, and likely ineffective. Because, by your logic, my wife would have weeded me out really early on. • We hooked up (without sleeping together) for a month before I became her boyfriend.• She wasn’t my “type” – liberal, Ivy League, ambitious, East Coast. After 16 months, I was either going to propose or break up and I didn’t know which. So even though she could tell that I had a wide alpha-male, know-it-all streak, it was always tempered by the fact that I was sensitive, open and honest with her – even when I was confused about our future.If she had pressed me after one month or three months as to whether I intended on marrying her, it would have been a mistake.
I think your male point of view may help women spot the good guys.You advise us to be careful with the alphas and Mr. Well, it’s not always easy to spot them for women, especially for the attractive ones.• I didn’t see her six times a week; closer to 3 times. That I really did want to settle down and start a family.• I was never “whipped” and never had the “you just know” feeling. • I had never had a girlfriend for longer than 8 months before. That my moral code and integrity were my most valued traits.
It’s easier for men to know other men, you can easily say if such guy is a player or not; but it’s sometimes difficult for women due to the mixed signals. I wish there was a way – a kind of test for women to figure out who can walk their talks, who is genuinely compassionate and kind, before we got emotionally invested. I observe how they treat waiters etc., yet some of men are really good at hiding their true selves for a long time (until they’re sure of you). I wish women could have practical tools to measure up men before they got involved and eliminate the narcissists/players. You made a statement: “It’s hard to tell if a man is a good guy.I’m physically a very attractive woman, and this is sometimes a real curse since a lot of men compete for my attention, and they all seem nice, compassionate, chivalrous, and generous at the beginning, even the alphas and know-it-alls. I would love to have a magic wand that would let me know if I’m wasting my time.” Well, you’re in luck, my friend.