You’re isolated on a boat with nothing to do but eat, drink, gamble, tan, and drink some more.
And with limited television and -an-hour Internet, cruisers are forced to socialize. But the better cruising gets, the more terrifying it can become.
Their definition of “love” must include cramped sex on a twin bed while your roommate pretends to be passed out, but regardless, cruise lines are starting to cater to this with more “isolated, romantic settings” like The Hideaway on Celebrity Cruises' Reflection, a two-story library with pod seating for two.
Which will definitely help you get laid, but will also drastically increase the chances of incessant, “But I thought we had something special in that pod! Nothing says “widespread food-borne illness” like carrying live botulism ON THE BOAT.
Carnival now offers port weddings so guests who don’t want to cruise can still enjoy the ceremony, and Royal Caribbean offers open bars for parties who book 25 cabins or more.
If you’re cruising to one of these countries, well, we warned you first.
But even if not, cruise lines offering overnight port stays are now giving you ways to book lodging at those ports.
Now, cruise lines are offering apps that let you plan out your entire itinerary, like Princess Cruises’ “Cruise Personalizer” that includes shore excursions, meal times, scuba diving, and other stuff.
But predicts an increased demand for luxury spa treatments including Botox treatments, teeth whitening, and laser hair removal.And we don’t know about you, but the idea of a laser being THAT far from your junk on a rocking boat just doesn’t sound safe to us. Because if they had -- and realized nobody wants to shell out that kinda money to see you engage in a 50/50 proposition -- wouldn’t predict destination weddings as an emerging trend on cruise ships.