Praise the Lawd, I finally stopped laughing long enough to write this damn article. I’ve seen lists of “turn-offs” on the Internets before but I think they’ve all been mediocre, so I realized it was HIGH TIME to ask the females I know to share the things that kill their lady boners.
I polled 50 straight women, ages 25-40, some single, some married, some engaged, and some dating multiple dudes at once (don’t hate the player…), and their brutally honest, hilarious answers made me pee my pants.
“Do you really have to wear that neon Livestrong-style bracelet? And by that, I mean laser hair removal, electrolysis, or waxing.
“White athletic socks worn with anything other than workout clothes.” 19.
“Old underwear (boxers or briefs) because if they look that nasty from the outside, I’m assuming there’s fungus and herpes on the inside.” 14. ) and now I just sliced my palm on your stubble while we were having sex. “Honestly, I know this one can’t be helped, but super-saggy balls are super gross.” 23. It may make you look bigger, but it also makes you look 9 years old and chafes the shit out of my face when it starts to grow back. “Please wear enough deodorant, brush your teeth or at least pop a mint, and wax your damn back. And if you have your fraternity letters tatted on you anywhere visible……bless your heart.” 27.
If you’re not, you can buy Calvin Klein shit at TJ Maxx for like . “If your mom stills buys your underwear, please do not share that with me. “I honestly can’t deal with a dude who looks at himself in the mirror/spends more time getting ready than I do.” 17. I appreciate you supporting a cause, but like…with a suit? So you SHAVED your back/upper arms (btw, who is getting those hard-to-reach spots? If I know you can’t keep your feet in average condition, I know whatever is going on in those boxer briefs is straight up Chernobyl.” 22. If you’re old enough to be out of college, you’re old enough to get a paycheck and old enough to spend that paycheck at the dentist’s office.” 25.
“Just TRY to push my head down to give you a blowjob. If you have legitimate halitosis, move to Europe.” 12. Three months in is not enough time to ‘let yourself go’ (three decades isn’t either…IMO).” 26.