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Seriously, you know it’s real love when both of them look like they’re trying to push out a hard shit into the toilet.Russell and Melissa went officially public as a question mark’s favorite couple by posing together at some charity event he hosted in the Hamptons yesterday. I’m boring, I’m on a green juice fast at this moment so I’m a little high now.

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But whatever, they’re together now, because Shannon’s AMEX bill isn’t going to pay itself and Russell believes her when she says that she was a 90s baby.I feel like I need to bust out Power Point to properly show all the upgrades and downgrades of Russell’s “” history.And Shannon went from the love child of Kevin Smith and Howard Stern to Mark Philippoussis to Derek Hough to the yoga turtle.I thought the cookie spread and spelt bread (it’s all I had, don’t ask) sandwich I ate for dinner last night was random, but this tops that shit.

Russell has gone from Kimora to Sophie Monk to self-proclaimed not-gold-digger Julie Henderson to Lauren from Alias to Shannon Elizabeth.

So I guess the last two people in the world I ever thought would hump on each other are humping on each other. I had a double shot of ginger, which makes you a little flighty.” One of the first signs that you’re dealing with a crackhead is a severe case of defensiveness.

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