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Objects Under This Shirt Are Larger Than They Appear Next Mood Swing: Six Seconds PMS Really Stands for Purchase More Shoes Menopause, Menstrual Cramps, Mental Illness - Have You Noticed That All of Our Problems Begin with Men? Your husband jokes thatinstead of buying a wood stove,he is using you to heat the family room this winter. If a messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, then my kitchen is delirious. Freedom of the Press Means No-Iron Clothes Will Work for Liposuction Scales Are for Fish, Not Women The Signs of Menopause 1. Rather than just saying you are not amused,you shoot him. You have to write post-it noteswith your kids' names on them. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Blessed are theywho can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. You're a great football fan if your children are named Ditka, Heisman and O. Your Free Horoscope for Today Is Ready with love, career, money, friends, life. How you can use the Internet to make money and change your life. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have "Schiffer Brains." I love being married. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:"Don't pick that up,you don't know where it's been." If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen So many men, so few who can afford me Don't treat me any differently than you would the queen If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I'm not going!! One of life's mysteries is howa two pound box of candycan make a woman gain five pounds. The greatest discovery of any generation isthat a human being can alter his lifeby altering his attitude. I wish you a day of small miracles - A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.

If men can run the world,why can't they stop wearing neckties?

How intelligent is it to start the dayby tying a noose around your neck?

A friend of mine confused her Valiumwith her birth control pills... They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.

Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat."Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. How long a minute is depends onwhich side of the bathroom door you're on. Life is an endles struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

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