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When asked why I still believe in it by friends, I have a wide selection of examples to draw from – and I’ve shared them with you all too.

But recently I got back “on the market,” and reentered this crazy/fun/slightly-exhausting world again.

I felt like hot shit, “Oh, this will be easy – I work at an online dating site, clearly I’m like the Hitch of online dating…” Will, he’s Hitch.

I’m just Naive (and a scrawny white boy) Back before CMB, Tinder, Insert-Techy-Name-Here — online dating wasn’t mainstream.

As a result, people who turned to their desktops – (yes, this was back in the ice age of big hardware) – were genuinely interested in finding a relationship, however long or short term that might be.

I personally view this deluge of flakes as the single biggest threat to people taking this whole industry seriously – and while I write the following with a light heart and (hopefully) carefree tone – keep yourself in check next time you come across these monsters. Genus: Indeniabilitas Drivesmethefuckcraziensis Description/Habitat: You connect. (S)he looks cool, well-intentioned, and states that (s)he “find[s] this whole thing soooo awkward…” written throughout their profile.

Genus: Brahyouina Boffovayohead Description/Habitat: Something about this flake just reeled you in, like the catfish stories of old – sure, it crossed your mind this one was probably a little nutty, but you have a history of making poor life decisions ( Ways to Avoid: Look out for a date that shows up – wait,(s)he showed up! Genus: Nacassistathinksa Yousalosahwonttellya Description/Habitat: This isn’t unique to online dating.

– with a couple other people with him/her claiming that (s)he “swears [they] told you that [she’s] polyamorous.” It’s happened to me. We’ve all been there – you think your crush is awesome, reciprocates your feelings…then you get that text. Saying “I had a really great time but…” — the three worst words in the dating world are B-U-T (that is, unless there’s another “T” after the last one) Regarding this final flake, and as I close, I just want to leave you all with a little bit of advice, and a plea.

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Since diving into the online dating world over five years ago, I’ve had my share of great experiences.

I’m a “glass half-full” kind of guy, so in my previous posts for Coffee Meets Bagel, I’ve tried to focus on the good that has come from my online experience.

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