How to be positive when dating

Just because 5 straight guys cheated on you doesn’t mean all men are cheaters. On the one hand, I my mind grasps what Evan is saying.

Just because three straight men weren’t attracted to you doesn’t mean all men won’t be attracted to you. But once the process of shutting down begins, it’s a tough place to get out of.

But there IS no second 50% if we can’t get past the negativity, apathy and old baggage. In addition to the email I got above, I received this one below: Hi – this isn’t a question – it’s a THANKS!

So if you’re struggling with the “Why even bother” question, take heart that you’re not alone. The only way you guarantee that you’ll NEVER find love is by failing to learn, failing to bounce back and failing to be open and vulnerable to a new partner. One of your newsletters was SO impactful to me that I accepted a marriage proposal!

And that person is no longer angry about the failures but just becomes apathetic.

50% of my job is dealing with negativity, apathy, and old baggage.

Once you assume that ALL men are the same and that EVERY outcome will be a failure, that’s when there’s no incentive to keep going.


I think there are people out there who genuninely want to find the one, but there was that one special person – after a whole string of others – with whom things didn’t work out and it kind of became the last straw.The other 50% deals with actionable steps moving forward – how to market yourself online, how to be a great first date, how to understand the opposite sex, how to be the most likable, confident, self-aware version of you there is.Needless to say, the second 50% is more fun than the first 50%. The final way to get past cynicism is because there is SO much proof that love is out there.A regular reader wrote me a scathing email about how she’s sick of my advice and that: Well, if you believe the above, then I can pretty much assure you that you’re not going to have much success in dating. It’s not that your experiences are not valid, it’s that it’s a glass half-empty way of looking at life. We were married in February – it’s going great and I tell people about you ALL of the time. Factor in that a former client just got engaged this week, and that I’ve got a 73-year-old client who has 17 emails in her inbox, and yeah, let’s just say I’ll be an optimist for the both of us!

I’m not a “Secret” guy per se, but if thinking positive thoughts does anything, it makes you more optimistic, cheery and fun to be around. The two main points I make to clients fighting the abyss of “I quit” are these: 1) The next guy has nothing to do with the last guy. Ok I guess the fact that I carry a computer with me means I get the first word in.But there are plenty of things that help you stay hopeful about dating, and they're not all mindless affirmations cooked up to make you feel better about yourself but not actually based in reality. I live in New York, where there are 150,000 more single women than there are single men.


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