Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve had quite a few readers tell me that they’re dating multiple people, something I find exhausting just thinking about it, but at the same time rather fascinating because I find that people give me all sorts of reasons for they do it: I’m just experimenting with dating. Remember how you didn’t like it when Mr Unavailable had a narcissistic harem of women he was dipping in and out of for an ego stroke? It’s where you discover the facts that will help you determine whether you should green light, date some more and potentially move into a relationship, or whether you should red light and abort the mission.Couldn’t you ‘experiment’ with one person for a few dates, see how it goes, and then move on? Do the people who you are dating know that you’re potentially wasting their time? As people no matter what they tell you, don’t always date for the same reasons, dating someone and getting to know them will let you determine through their actions and interactions (not just words and your imagination) whether you are two people on the same page with similar primary values.Really multiple dating is just a code term for: 1) Keeping your options open.2) Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Some people keep their options open because they want to shag around, they think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and they also worry that someone who perfectly meets their criteria may be out there somewhere and are afraid of ‘settling’.
What I found particularly prevalent though with each person who multiple dates is that they enjoy getting lots of attention from various different sources which helps them get a level of validation that they’re seeking. Here’s the trouble: I’m not suggesting that you be a nun or ‘commit’ to a relationship with a virtual stranger, although ladies, let’s be real, many of you committed to virtual strangers but told yourselves that you knew more!
But, is it just me that wonders what happened to dating one person at a time? What is this whole ‘But what if he’s not the one and I’m missing out on one of the other guys that could be? However, you are making a rather large rod for your own back because unless you have hide of a rhino and don’t really care about how other people feel, it can get pretty damn messy with the whole multiple dating thing.