I’m a 33 year old, single father with primary care of a 14 month old daughter. Make no mistake about it: being busy is the greatest and most believable excuse for being single that you can find.
Her mother has a weekends-only job and never has her overnights or even in the evening. Which is why you’re not going to hear me suggest to Mike that he ditch his job, ditch his daughter and spend 24 hours a day finding love. And, as an adult, you have responsibilities that don’t simply abate because you wish them away. You still have to make sure your children get fed each night.
It was fine when she was too busy for others, but when men were too busy they become “workaholics” or “aloof” or “emotionally unavailable.” It didn’t occur to her that she was all of the above as well. Right should materialize from thin air and come pre-ordered for chemistry, compatibility, values, goals, and humor. IF YOU THINK IT DOES, YOU’RE GOING TO BE WAITING A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME.
If you’re a busy person, this should be hitting pretty close to home right now. Finding a life partner takes a LOT of trial and error.
So ask yourself, if you were on your deathbed, would you whisper to your closest friend, “Now that I look back on my life, I wish I worked more 12-hour-days.” If so, keep doing what you’re doing. I went out with over 300 people over 15 years before getting married. But to think that you’re going to find a relationship when you go on two dates a year? Maybe you’ll get lucky and fall in love on your twentieth date.
She just wanted to cut to the chase and find a guy.
One day, she informed me that she met an impressive man online, who claimed to be too busy to make a date with her. Yet she was unable to see that in 99% of the circumstances, SHE was the one who was too busy for the men who were courting her.
This is not to say that you should be any less devoted a father.
My question is: How do I even go about looking, when the only time I spend away from work involves my daughter? Before I give it to you, I want other readers to ask yourselves if you can sympathize with Mike’s predicament. What I will suggest, however, is a re-evaluation of three things in Mike’s life Time is a precious commodity. That’s life, and it’s way more difficult to create opportunities in love when you’re pulled in so many directions. Consider these questions: – Despite my probing questions, I want to acknowledge that if you have sole custody during the week and your wife works on the weekends, you have virtually NO breathing room.It’s me, I’m sure, but I don’t seem to even try when I’m out with my daughter, doing all the things it takes to keep my house, my daughter, and myself in order. I have no problems meeting people in the regular bar scene…I don’t seem to make the time. You don’t have to be the primary caregiver to a 14 month old; you just have to be too busy to find love. And instead of trying to create something out of nothing, you need to get your life into better balance before you worry about dating.