Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I wanted so badly to be that girl that is just fucking effortless.Her hair is always messy on purpose, she wears very casual clothes that fit perfectly and cost more than you think, she eats whatever she wants and doesn’t gain weight. “Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Want to know if you or your special someone is a part of the nutcase club? All the normal people out there can go sit on their normal seats and eat their normal food and be really boring.
How do I impress that hot girl I always had an insane crush on?
I mean I have a soft spot for the blonde cutie I played basketball with at recess everyday throughout elementary school, and then had a thing for on and off during high school…
When does the ultimate prize ever go to the knight with the timid heart? If you’re willing to put yourself out there, we know that takes effort.
I know it takes some courage, but bravery pays off in spades.
Maybe high school just wasn’t your time to connect with that gorgeous girl you had your eye on. If that scenario sounds familiar, here’s the deal: You can totally turn it around and have your shot. You look even hotter than you did in high school.’ Then ask, ‘What do you drink?