Overcoming dating fears

I can so clearly remember playing on my own, always the new girl, always craving acceptance!"Kelly was convinced that these early "outsider" experiences were at the root of her current problems: "I'm always looking for signs that my partner is about to reject me! I'm always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means."Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead [email protected]{font-family:'q-icons';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q-icons.q-icons.eoteaabd749c1c44922.eot);src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q-icons.q-icons.woff2101cc98410fd63e6.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q-icons.q-icons.woffb4d3c3ece4532bec.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q-icons.q-icons.ttf377170866a906859.ttf) format('truetype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q-icons.q-icons.svg3014a7e5d1294672.svg) format('svg');font-weight:normal;font-style:normal}@font-face{font-family:'q_serif';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular.eot724740ce9faa6d02.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_serif/q_serif_regular.eot? #iefix') format('embedded-opentype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular.woff2b660b09e916538fa.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular.wofff5de2fe1e48d7cb1.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular.ttfde71fa0eaacf4d6e.ttf) format('truetype');font-weight:400;font-style:normal}@font-face{font-family:'q_serif';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular_italic.eot0e70722bfd809f9d.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_serif/q_serif_regular_italic.eot? #iefix') format('embedded-opentype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular_italic.woff29d63924c2b6a1fd2.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular_italic.woffe50f53817c85b798.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_regular_italic.ttf445671494147f641.ttf) format('truetype');font-weight:400;font-style:italic}@font-face{font-family:'q_serif';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold.eota20bcd991fb37590.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_serif/q_serif_semibold.eot? #iefix') format('embedded-opentype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold.woff263b31550416a2510.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold.woff9c8b77aa17742fc1.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold.ttfe3295a33efa03b40.ttf) format('truetype');font-weight:bold;font-style:normal}@font-face{font-family:'q_serif';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold_italic.eotb4747289576685fb.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_serif/q_serif_semibold_italic.eot? #iefix') format('embedded-opentype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold_italic.woff2f553fc885641825f.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold_italic.woffceaf44b10a2d416a.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_serif.q_serif_semibold_italic.ttfd15567dd8175ed85.ttf) format('truetype');font-weight:bold;font-style:italic}@font-face{font-family:'q_sans';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_sans.q_sans_regular.eotc0c3eea9179978ff.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_sans/q_sans_regular.eot? #iefix') format('embedded-opentype'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_sans.q_sans_regular.woff2052ea1356ccae2f0.woff2) format('woff2'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_sans.q_sans_regular.woff5cc5776a8852cb2c.woff) format('woff'),url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_sans.q_sans_regular.ttf7214d245aa610eb3.ttf) format('truetype');font-weight:400;font-style:normal}@font-face{font-family:'q_sans';src:url(//quoracdn.net/-fonts.q_sans.q_sans_medium.eotd5a95b804e3ee936.eot);src:url('/static/fonts/q_sans/q_sans_medium.eot? We also fear, perhaps more than anything else, losing approval from others. In tribal times, being ejected from the safety of a group could have meant death. Fear should keep us alert and safe - like the beam from a lighthouse warning ships of submerged dangers.

I went to eight different schools in five years, rejection upon rejection.

Now the 'prophet' feels they were right from the very beginning: "I told you so! Expecting the worst can act as a type of emotional insurance policy. How do your beliefs around possible rejection influence your behaviour?

But too much fear, like a super-beam of light blinding the ship's captain, can cause the loss of the very thing we feared losing.

And this may be especially true when it comes to fear of rejection.

Reassurance needs to be found from within you, not from others. Because look, word, or action from other people can be warped and wrongly interpreted as an upcoming rejection when it simply isn't.Kelly's terror of rejection also extended beyond her relationship.

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47 Comments

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    Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday of repentance, had barely been over for 14 hours and I was already fighting with my husband. Over our poached kale and egg salads with a side of chickpeas I notice my firecracker friend is uncharacteristically glum.

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