While it would be easy to maintain my professional objectivity, what remains with me that is fodder for this post is how deeply and profoundly the concepts presented touch on my own journey.
Married at 28, with a history of multiple relationships prior, widowed at 40, following a 12 year “paradoxical marriage,” I have been ostensibly single for nearly 16 years, with the exception of a few short term relationships and friends with benefits interactions.
I would much rather explore and examine, from the perspective of being on the other side of the experience, not just what I want, but what I want, even though relationship experts generally encourage focus on the positive.
I am a believer, based on my own personal and professional perspective that I need to clear the detritus of previous encounters in order to build anew.
Although my parents came from “different sides of the track,” with divergent socio-economic background, love and that intention sustained their nearly 52 year marriage.
Of course this seasoned woman has had time and life enough to make these queries. At this point in my life, I have accumulated experiences and life lessons that I desire to share with a partner.
I consider myself a wealthy woman since my friends and family are my treasures.
So many people create new relationships on the wreckage of old interactions. I’ll live with myself 24/7 for the rest of my life and if I choose to blend my life with another’s, that is crucial.
As Joe Jackson sagely says “You can’t get what you want, til you know what you want.” There are questions I didn’t ask myself in earlier years, both pre and post-marriage and conversations that I wish I had back then. My vivid imagination conjures up images of a dynamic, ever-growing “third entity” that combines the sum of the parts of the two of us.
I noticed myself nodding in recognition as I ticked off the kinds of issues that clients I have seen as a therapist for the past three decades have presented in our sessions.
They range from not knowing the person in the mirror well enough to being disillusioned by the person on the other side of the bed.