THE FACTORS THAT SHOULD BE IN PLAY BEFORE YOU START DATING YOUR BEST FRIEND1) A mutual (and intense) desire--ON BOTH SIDES--to give it a whirl.2) The LACK of some major precipitating event.I also wondered if my hesitation had to do with a (lingering? Yet, the lack of sexual heat was an indisputable fact.) case of commitment-phobia on my part, rather than any real doubts about the situation at hand; maybe the supposed chemistry conundrum was just a cover for my fear of getting closer to him. (Trust me on that: About six months after we broke up, Jake said, "The sex really wasn't very good, was it?But he told me he'd been mulling it over for a while, and he was serious about wanting to give things a go. And not having Jake in my life seemed unimaginably painful. Maybe incompatible phermones are to blame--who knows?At the same time, after considering it for a minute or two, I realized that if I give it a try, my reluctance could create a weird dynamic which could very well do serious damage to the friendship--maybe as much as a failed romance would. --because there doesn't seem to be much else to explain it.and suddenly, he leaned over to kiss me."What are you doing? I had a great time with him--we were always laughing; always talking about interesting things; always comfortable discussing our emotions, fears and insecurities. In other words, it was hard to imagine a more ideal boyfriend. for whatever decidedly peculiar reason, I'd never felt an overwhelming urge to get it on with him." I said, thinking he was just feeling randy, and annoyed that he would risk our friendship on a whim. (Or, at least, MY insecurities.) His writing career was going well, and the work he did interested me. What's more, I was terrified we might ruin the friendship. And I really do think, after all, that the main problem was our lack of chemistry.Lovelies: Yesterday, I was talking about how awesome it was to have Jake Stein* along on the weekend trip--and also talking about how Jake and I went from being best friends to being boyfriend-and-girlfriend for a brief period.
(Dear me, I'm even tearing up a little as I write this.)Anyway, the experience has me convinced that BOTH friends need to feel pretty strong chemistry before they move from being platonic pals to romantic partners.Otherwise, I think the chance of it working out are slim.